In my opinion, very
Reverend Mother, developments
in the U.S. regarding work
on behalf of immigrants, and
the use of non-verbal and militaristic
techniques in working with families,
is at the heart of this tension
between individualism
and collectivism – no,
instead this emphasis between
an individual and the government
is at the forefront of …
Well, the resolution is the paradox of modernity itself.
There is never enough time. No time to enjoy being a kid, no time to enjoy college, no time to say goodbye properly to your loved ones.
Never enough time to grieve…
I have come up with so many euphemisms to avoid saying that word: DEAD
There is no warmth in that word, no hope…it is so much more than just a four letter word…it is the end of a life that meant many things to many people. It is the reminder that nothing in this world is certain, except for it.
It amazes me that we don’t capitalize it. There’s God and there’s Death. Some might believe one is just a part of the other…and I get that, I do. But on those days when He places his death mask on and does the rounds, I can’t help but wonder where my loved ones fall on his To Do list.
And these thoughts make me so sad…
My grandparents are dead. It feels like it will never get any easier to say that.
And I can’t stop thinking of my dad. If he has food to eat, a place to live…if he’s okay.
I haven’t heard from him for months and while I try not to talk about it or show that it bothers me, it scares me like you wouldn’t believe.
It’s amazing how much I care for a man whose face I can’t even picture in my head. No matter what I say about him, he still makes up half of who I am. And I love him for that alone.
And on today of all days, the thought that he might not be okay hits home harder than you can imagine.
No one can even find him…I’m used to him falling off the face of the earth every once in a while, but he’s been very good about keeping in contact with me for the last six years.
I need to know that he’s okay…
Tahoe jeep, red car
red van, one bike
one wheel, USC67P
New Jersey plates
Down here to the left are red
Dorothy shoes, red
boots, red
wool coat, hat and gloves
To the right are grey
uggs, brown uggs
black boots, brown coat
light brown and dark brown converses
Red cell phone
Brown hair
Blue umbrella
an ugly furry sweater and
an ugly furry coat
Shopping bags
several taxi cabs
small cool snowflakes
and my WaMu checking account
We found it! The dress, so now basically, the wedding planning is half done! lol…
Next up, my Maid of Honor dress. Lord I hope fuchsia looks good on me because that’s my color, people…fuchsia. When I tell you that I love my cousin, just remember that color and you’ll be able to imagine just how deep that love goes.
And on that note, my Wii (did I tell you I got one?) workouts have been fantastic. I can feel the difference its making in my life. I will look fantastic in August.
I also have a secret, but I won’t tell until I know for sure that its something I’m going to seriously do. I will keep you posted on those developments in the next month or so.
Now, about my Wii…
It is fantastic, wonderful, amazing and RED! I got the Super Mario Brothers with it, and although I am ashamed to admit that I died 4 times before I got to the second world, I have improved! What I need is someone to come and help me play…I’m on the level where the scary music starts to play…idk about all that…so I called it a day right then and there.
I also have Just Dance 2 (JD2) and the MJ Experience (MJE), oh and Wii Sports (WiiS). JD2 is what I’m using to burn some calories. They have this awesome sweat mode that allows you to keep track of how much “sweat” you’re losing and gives you goals to reach each day. I’m now on 1000 a day.
And I’m proud to say, that I went from age 80 to 37 in a week on WiiS. I love the tennis mode and am even thinking about learning in RL. I’m definitely going to give myself the sport pack if no one else does.
Misc:
Work is good, home is good, life is getting better by the minute. I finally said goodbye to a chapter in my life that has caused me pain for some time now. I’m not truly %100 committed to giving it up though. I feel one really good convincing conversation is all it will take to get me right back where I was, but I want to move on so badly! Hopefully, the person will respect my wishes and keep his distance…he doesn’t have a great track record for doing that.
But at least I made that first step, which has led to my little secret that I hope will turn out to be great news in the near future.
Lay with me, here.
Hug me, close.
No, not close enough,
closer. I want you
close up inside
and I need you
in me. Fuck! This is not what I want
I want intimacy and I’ve had sex
since taught at six by him
that I was wanted for nothing else.
Sex is intimate only to me
and you call it fucking.
So fuck me, now.
Fuck me fast,
fuck me until I forget how we got
to this place where I no longer know
your name.
Or how we met and you said you
loved my voice and could listen to me
whisper until six in the morning
while my roommate sleeps in the next room.
Fuck me until my need for punishment
dissipates while your cum soaks my cunt
from the inside out.
Fuck me until fifteen years of crying
on the frigid bathroom floor
vanishes, vanquished
by your black dick that mesmerized me
since the sixth day after I met you
on the three train at four in the morning
Sunday night
Eleven times in two
days she saw the ghost
after fearing the apocalypse written
in black on the rim of
the john. Coded
lengthy surprise; one copy
north and one to the ground.
The ice traveled was
twelve feet deep,
years-old. Heaven dark and she
had surely gone crazy after
the third time he “woo-woo” ed
her outside, in the bathroom.
Caught in a thunderstorm,
rain sluices down my body.
A droplet discovers an opening
in my doused wool to slither down my flesh.
I imagine that it’s your index finger making
the path down my throat, in-between my breastbone
and onto my belly, where you pause
for a brief second before sliding down the right side
and getting absorbed by my blouse.
My cousin became engaged a few years back, and just this past year, she decided that she was ready to start planning her wedding. Of course, her cousins jumped at the opportunity to finally get this woman out of her mama’s house and into her own home (that and we’ve been itching for a wedding!)
The topic of the Bridal Party came about one train ride and I took for granted that I would be the maid of honor. Conceited, that I am…but to my surprise, it wasn’t a done deal. She didn’t know! How could you not know? (Did I mention I’m conceited?)
Anyway, this was back in July/August…
Last Saturday, October 23, 2010, I went out to dinner with her, her finance and the cousins and friends. To Carmine’s. And at the end of a wonderful dinner, she says, “there’s a reason we asked you to dinner. We have some news.”
Being who I am, I immediately thought, “Oh God, she’s pregnant.”
She started to take flowers from her bag and hand it out to everyone and when she came to me she gave me the prettiest bouquet of purple flowers…and a beautiful card with our picture on it and a message asking if I would be her maid of honor…
I gotta tell you, if being proposed to feels half as great as being asked to be the maid of honor…I can see the appeal of getting married a million times! Of course I said yes, and of course I teared up…I’m a sucker for sentimental moments.
And that’s my story. I will take a picture of the flowers and card later. This also means that there will be a lot of wedding related posts.
When I tell you I am grinning from ear to ear…I’m not exaggerating. I really am.
I’ve been at this job for 3 months now. When I first started, I had the tiniest monitor you could imagine. Suffice it to say, Titi was not happy. But I made do, I learned to not see the fact that I had books propping up to a decent level (not eye level, mind you, but decent). I learned not to notice that some of the web pages just overflowed when looking at them on the screen. I ignored the slowness and the freezing and all the other horrendous things that was happening to me because my computer was from 1998.
But then yesterday, Joe, our IT guy, says he will install my NEW COMPUTER tomorrow at noon. Well…I just about fainted right there by his desk.
So today, I came to work and decided I wouldn’t even think about, just in case it didn’t happen. I went out to lunch with the development team and when I came back, I noticed that there was something off about my desk.
My monitor was taking up more space!!!
Well, I flipped out, I pulled every employee I could find to show them the glorious, beautiful, wide screen of my computer.
sigh
I would write more, but I must go play work….
sayTaïna 