A beginning… of sorts

It’s 10pm here and I’ve spent all afternoon thinking of things I want to write about. It’s been 2 years. That’s how much is pent up inside of me. Two years worth of thoughts and feelings and emotions.

I met a man who was kind and funny and sweet but was also still figuring shit out, carrying a lot of baggage, and not at all who I thought I was looking for. But he made me laugh and he listened and I started to fall in love with him.

But six months in and I was… concerned. I was trying to get my life together and it didn’t seem like he was the right fit. He was messy, both with his things but also in his life. He came with two kids and you know, their mother. I didn’t think it was going to work long term.

I spoke to him about my misgivings. How I wanted more from life and I didn’t think he was ready or willing to meet me half way. I was looking for a way out. And he knew that. He was guarded, told me to do what I thought was best.

The most frustrating line from a person who you want to be with!

Then the bottom fell out from under him. That summer I had to watch someone I loved struggle without a way to really help. I thought, “It can’t really get much worse than this.”

I was wrong.

He started complaining about pain. Went to see several doctors, got a bunch of tests, even more useless treatments. And then one day, he received a call that said, “Come to the emergency room tomorrow morning. Ask for me and I’ll come get you right away.”

That was September 2018. Nine months into our relationship – a relationship that I wasn’t even sure I still wanted to be in. I didn’t know what it was or how bad it was going to get – God, I had NO CLUE. But I went with him and as I sat there, listening to the doctors and watching him receive the news about a mass in his spine, I just kept thinking…

Thank God you found me when you did. This is where I’m supposed to be.

One a Day: Sonnet (more or less)

I gave you a piece of my own spirit
you offered it back when we said goodbye
Yes, the last thing you want is to hear it
but for my sake, I must give this a try

We were so happy, or so I believed
you would hold me gently in your safe arms
Imagine my shock, you looked so relieved
bye to your love and protection from harm

No more tenderness and warm gentle nights
no more shared dreams and farewell to shared plans
Misunderstandings and horrible fights
all that you’ll lay on my shivering hands

I miss our conversations and laughter
my dreams of happily ever after


One a Day: Septolet

Moon slivers
my fate line

Tip to tip
Fingers entwined
Two becomes

One A Day: Limerick

There once was a girl with a big heart
She did not know how to make it start
So she gave it to you
But you let that heart stew
Now a woman, she’s falling apart

One A Day: Haiku

For you my heart beats
thump – thump – thump, thump, thumpthumpthump
I’ll love you always

One A Day: Themed Poem: Love

Good Morning

I send you a text, it says,
“Good morning, Love”
As I get dressed to go to work,
I look over at your sleeping form and smile
The weather is cold, dreary and wet
But I woke up next to you today
Arms and Legs tangled in sheets that were warm from our body heat

As I pour my first cup of coffee, my phone vibrates
I have a message, it says,
“Have a great day, I love you”
I glance up and see you, standing in the doorway
A shaft of sunlight making your hair glow
Your smile pulls one from my lips

We kiss goodbye, and though we don’t speak
We’ve said all there is to say,
I know today will be a good day.

Post Script: National Poetry Month 2012: 30 Poems in 30 Days Challenge

Poem 1: If Only

Poem 2: Squishy

Poem 3: IselaRose

Poem 4: April Spray

Poem 5: I Will Never Hold You

Poem 6: La Petite Mort

Poem 7: Navy Roses

Poem 8: From My Lips to Your Heart

Poem 9:

Poem 10:

Poem 11:

Poem 12

Poem 13:

Poem 14: All the World’s a Stage

Poem 15: Freedom

Poem 16: Rebirth

Poem 17:

Poem 18:

Poem 19:

Poem 20:

Poem 21:

Poem 22:

Poem 23:

Poem 24: Haven

Poem 25:

Poem 26:

Poem 27:

Poem 28: He says he loves me

April 8, 2008

Caught in a thunderstorm,
rain sluices down my body.
A droplet discovers an opening
in my doused wool to slither down my flesh.

I imagine that it’s your index finger making
the path down my throat, in-between my breastbone
and onto my belly, where you pause

for a brief second before sliding down the right side
and getting absorbed by my blouse.