Life Definitions: One Year Later

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My dad and I when I was 6

And I can’t stop thinking of my dad. If he has food to eat, a place to live…if he’s okay.

I haven’t heard from him for months and while I try not to talk about it or show that it bothers me, it scares me like you wouldn’t believe.

It’s amazing how much I care for a man whose face I can’t even picture in my head. No matter what I say about him, he still makes up half of who I am. And I love him for that alone.

And on today of all days, the thought that he might not be okay hits home harder than you can imagine.

No one can even find him…I’m used to him falling off the face of the earth every once in a while, but he’s been very good about keeping in contact with me for the last six years.

I need to know that he’s okay…

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Life Definitions: I’m a Maid of Honor Bitches!

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Ok, so I hoped it was coming, but had truly given up on the idea that…wait, wait, wait…let me start from the beginning.

My cousin became engaged a few years back, and just this past year, she decided that she was ready to start planning her wedding. Of course, her cousins jumped at the opportunity to finally get this woman out of her mama’s house and into her own home (that and we’ve been itching for a wedding!)

The topic of the Bridal Party came about one train ride and I took for granted that I would be the maid of honor. Conceited, that I am…but to my surprise, it wasn’t a done deal. She didn’t know! How could you not know? (Did I mention I’m conceited?)

Anyway, this was back in July/August…

Last Saturday, October 23, 2010, I went out to dinner with her, her finance and the cousins and friends. To Carmine’s. And at the end of a wonderful dinner, she says, “there’s a reason we asked you to dinner. We have some news.”

Being who I am, I immediately thought, “Oh God, she’s pregnant.”

She started to take flowers from her bag and hand it out to everyone and when she came to me she gave me the prettiest bouquet of purple flowers…and a beautiful card with our picture on it and a message asking if I would be her maid of honor…

I gotta tell you, if being proposed to feels half as great as being asked to be the maid of honor…I can see the appeal of getting married a million times! Of course I said yes, and of course I teared up…I’m a sucker for sentimental moments.

And that’s my story. I will take a picture of the flowers and card later. This also means that there will be a lot of wedding related posts.

Life Definitions: I got a new computer at work!

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When I tell you I am grinning from ear to ear…I’m not exaggerating. I really am.

I’ve been at this job for 3 months now. When I first started, I had the tiniest monitor you could imagine. Suffice it to say, Titi was not happy. But I made do, I learned to not see the fact that I had books propping up to a decent level (not eye level, mind you, but decent). I learned not to notice that some of the web pages just overflowed when looking at them on the screen. I ignored the slowness and the freezing and all the other horrendous things that was happening to me because my computer was from 1998.

But then yesterday, Joe, our IT guy, says he will install my NEW COMPUTER tomorrow at noon. Well…I just about fainted right there by his desk.

So today, I came to work and decided I wouldn’t even think about, just in case it didn’t happen. I went out to lunch with the development team and when I came back, I noticed that there was something off about my desk.

My monitor was taking up more space!!!

Well, I flipped out, I pulled every employee I could find to show them the glorious, beautiful, wide screen of my computer.

sigh

I would write more, but I must go play work….

Before

After

Trying this gym thing once again

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Don’t really know what else to say after the heading. I joined Planet Fitness last night. Hopefully I stick to this for longer that 3 weeks. And also, I will be going to yoga with the cousin on Tuesday. I really need to get serious about losing this weight for the wedding. Although, I’m not too pressed.

I got my sister and cousin (who wedding it is) to promise to work out with me, which is great, because as family they will curse me out if I don’t go.

I will lose the weight and even better than I already do…I’m going to be the fliest bridesmaid ever.

Life Definitions: My Mom

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I can’t remember what year it was but I do remember knowing that she would appreciate this. Mommy would be happy that I did this. I wanted to show her that I loved her.

So I took out the sheets that we used to cover the portion of the carpet we slept on. First the cushion foam on the bottom, then the threadbare blue blanket, the sheet, two pillows and the final sheet to use as a cover. Afterward, I laid her slippers at the bottom of our makeshift bed. Then I waited. She would be coming home soon.

At the sound of the key in the lock, I run to hug her hello. Tell her that I love her and give her a big hug around her knees. I notice the tired lines around her eyes and mouth. I can see how hard she is trying to hold on to her smile for her baby girl.

I grab her hand into my much smaller one and gently tug her to the bedroom. I want to show her what her big girl can do. I want her to see how I got the order of the sheets right, I want her to see how I fluffed the pillows.  I want her to sit on the much higher bed next to ours while I help her take her shoes off and slip on her slippers. While she changes out of her home attendant uniform I rush to the kitchen and take out the glass of water I had placed in the fridge earlier.

She is pleased. Her smile holds itself a little better, a little wider, she hugs me again and I can see a watery reflection of myself when I look in her eyes. I’ve done good.

Happy birthday Mommy…

Life Definitions: I’m Going to Haiti

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The fulfillment of this goal is bittersweet to me. It makes me question why I even put on the list in the first place.

My grandmother is dead, the country is in shambles and here I go…barely able to speak fluent Creole anymore and an aversion to hot sunlight…I’m going to fit right in ::eye roll::

I wish this trip was under different circumstances, I wish I could go and have my memory of my country match the reality. But sadly that can’t happen now and I’m afraid I will be hugely disappointed.

On a different note, I might see my father. And even now I wonder whether I should send word that I will be coming…I’m told he’s a good man. But that doesn’t make me feel any more excited to see him.

We shall see.

Yoga Update

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So it’s been a week since I last took a yoga class. Which makes me feel like the only fat ASS! I went on a carbohydrate rampage this weekend and feel even worse.

I do like yoga. Afterward, despite the headache, I feel great. But during, feeling like someone is banging my head with a sledgehammer and getting nauseous is not sexy.

I need to figure out what I’m supposed to eat so I don’t pass out. I should also stretch on days when I don’t go to yoga, just to keep my body from stiffening up. I think I’ve had more aches and pains now than I ever did before I started.

Can yoga become addictive? Because it will be a fricking expensive ass drug…

I have a class at 6pm today, we shall see how well, or not, I do today.

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