As a new year starts, I find myself in a different space than I was before. I still have some of my old hang ups, but I’m happier now and so ready to live life and let others live theirs.
So, as I start my new year back in the States, I say to you:
May life grant you more happiness than hardships, may the sun always shine on your path, may you have good health and none of the bad, and may God grant you more love than you know what to do with.
- Bonne Année 2012 (daysontheclaise.blogspot.com)
- Bonne Annee 2012!! (labellehibou.com)
- سنة جديدة سعيدة Bonne année (draagon-star.blogspot.com)
As I look into perhaps helping during the Nesting Season for sea turtles, a friend of mine forwarded this article to me and I wanted to share it with all of you.
WARNING: There is a very graphic picture in here and may be too violent for sensitive viewers.
Brake for Turtles!.
There is never enough time. No time to enjoy being a kid, no time to enjoy college, no time to say goodbye properly to your loved ones.
Never enough time to grieve…
I have come up with so many euphemisms to avoid saying that word: DEAD
There is no warmth in that word, no hope…it is so much more than just a four letter word…it is the end of a life that meant many things to many people. It is the reminder that nothing in this world is certain, except for it.
It amazes me that we don’t capitalize it. There’s God and there’s Death. Some might believe one is just a part of the other…and I get that, I do. But on those days when He places his death mask on and does the rounds, I can’t help but wonder where my loved ones fall on his To Do list.
And these thoughts make me so sad…
My grandparents are dead. It feels like it will never get any easier to say that.
Two years ago I sat down and tried to explain how much my grandfather meant to me. Two years ago, I had my entire future to look forward to…and then he died, and my grandmother had a stroke.
Now, two years later, she’s dying…
I’ve only ever known my maternal grandparents, which is fitting, since I barely know my father. When she is gone, I will have to go to Haiti.
The thought of my home country shouldn’t create a knot in my stomach, but it does. Haiti means my grandmother is gone, it means my dad is within reach, it means a complete 180 from what I know now.
I don’t want to go to Haiti, I don’t want to see my father and I certainly don’t want my grandma dead.
Edit: While writing this post, my grandmother passed away.
As September quickly approaches I find myself thinking about the last two Septembers.
There are many people who tell me I should let it go, that not doing so is morbid and unhealthy. I say to those people, until you stand in my shoes and live in my skin, you have no idea what is healthy or not for me. It is not something I actively keep alive. It is a thought that will not go away, a seed that was planted and although the physical remains are gone, that scar in my soul is still fresh.
I don’t know whether its my religion that keeps me from forgetting or maybe its just the guilt of knowing that things could have been so different. Whatever the reason, Autumn and September especially, signify a sad time in my life. This month tests my strength and my will to live life, to love it and embrace it for what it is worth. How apropos that the Fall should symbolize my own.
All I can do is pray and keep hoping that with time and over time it will get easier to live and appreciate all that I have gained, or at least kept, because of my decisions.
September has always been such a lonely month for me. This is yet another chance to change that. I will do my best.
You can accumulate a lot of stuff sitting in an office for two years. Now that I have to pack my things I find myself going stark raving mad…its like breaking up with a live-in partner and being the one that has to leave. With each new thing packed away a memory is relived. I will miss these people and this place…
- How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? 35
- Which is worse, failing or never trying? Never trying
- If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? Social pressure and fear of rejection
- When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? God, I hope not
- What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? Children getting abused
- If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Teaching creative writing
- Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? Settling
- If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? I would have moved and had a family already
- To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? I’ve tried to
- Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? A little of both to be honest
- You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do? Tell them that is my friend
- If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Live life well, the best things are worth the wait
- Would you break the law to save a loved one? YES
- Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? Yes, during my creative writing classes
- What’s something you know you do differently than most people? Express myself
- How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? Because everyone isn’t me
- What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back? Travel. Fear of not having anything to come back to in terms of work
- Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Yes
- If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? Dublin. I fell in love with the country before I ever got there. I will move there!
- Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? Sometimes, and No, but it’s nice to dream
- Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? Must I really choose?
- Why are you, you? Because that is the sum of my experiences
- Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? No, but I work hard at it
- Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Losing touch, always
- What are you most grateful for? My sister and 2 cousins. NOTHING will ever compare to those women
- Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? I don’t know…
- Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first? I believe so
- Has your greatest fear ever come true? No, and I hope it never does
- Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now? Yes, and no, it really doesn’t
- What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special? Going shopping instead of my mother’s college graduation. Best day I ever spent with her
- At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? Senior year of high school
- If not now, then when? Never
- If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? Nothing
- Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? Yes, lol
- Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? Because the believers don’t truly believe
- Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? No, you just have to live and have hope
- If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? Yes, then I’d move to Dublin and start a Creative Writing class for young children
- Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? More work I enjoy
- Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? Yes, with slight differences
- When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? …wow
- If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? My family
- Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? Nope
- What is the difference between being alive and truly living? One is breathing, the other is happiness
- When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? Hopefully all the time
- If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? Because we’re afraid of life
- What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Almost nothing, perhaps keep things that I had to give up
- When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? Only during my quiet moments
- What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? Writing, maybe
- In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that? No, but I will remember the places I’ve been
- Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? I’m making them, I have to live with them right?
I got these questions from Marc and Angel
Aids Walk New York on May 17th, 2009:
They want the power to seize firms other than Banks…that’s some BS. I’m all for the Obama Administration, and I’m righteously pissed that my tax dollars (which count this year) are going into the pockets of the wealthy and fucked up.
BUT…I’m REALLY hesitant to feel good about where this is going. The Fed should NOT be involved in the free market except to create and moderate monetary policy.