Two years ago I sat down and tried to explain how much my grandfather meant to me. Two years ago, I had my entire future to look forward to…and then he died, and my grandmother had a stroke.

Now, two years later, she’s dying…

I’ve only ever known my maternal grandparents, which is fitting, since I barely know my father. When she is gone, I will have to go to Haiti.

The thought of my home country shouldn’t create a knot in my stomach, but it does. Haiti means my grandmother is gone, it means my dad is within reach, it means a complete 180 from what I know now.

I don’t want to go to Haiti, I don’t want to see my father and I certainly don’t want my grandma dead.

Edit: While writing this post, my grandmother passed away.