There are many people who tell me I should let it go, that not doing so is morbid and unhealthy. I say to those people, until you stand in my shoes and live in my skin, you have no idea what is healthy or not for me. It is not something I actively keep alive. It is a thought that will not go away, a seed that was planted and although the physical remains are gone, that scar in my soul is still fresh.
I don’t know whether its my religion that keeps me from forgetting or maybe its just the guilt of knowing that things could have been so different. Whatever the reason, Autumn and September especially, signify a sad time in my life. This month tests my strength and my will to live life, to love it and embrace it for what it is worth. How apropos that the Fall should symbolize my own.
All I can do is pray and keep hoping that with time and over time it will get easier to live and appreciate all that I have gained, or at least kept, because of my decisions.
September has always been such a lonely month for me. This is yet another chance to change that. I will do my best.