Last night I celebrated Cinco de Mayo with the girls…ALL the girls. It felt good and right and needed! First I met them at Latitude on 8th Avenue between 47th and 48th. Then we moved to Tonic and partied like it was 05-05-05. (The best cinco de mayo I’ve had so far!)
Two of us got really drunk, but that’s ok, I love them, so it was cute having them harass me THE ENTIRE NIGHT! lol
I have some pictures, but will only put up one for the sake of not getting beat later by any of them.
Hey, just checking in, now that my sister has brought me my laptop. The surgery went well, they found a small packet of fluid and when that was removed they found some rotted bone underneath.
That has been scraped off and by Monday the cultures will be back and they will have identified the type of infection and I will be able to go home.
They gave me a spinal tap thing ( that’s not what its really called) and I was numb from my waist down. But I don’t remember a thing after the relaxant kicked in. One minute I’m going…”ouch that was my right side,” and the next I’m waking up to find a blue sheet in my face and someone saying they’re almost done. Kinda creepy….
They are putting an IV in my arm that will go up to my heart so I can take my antibiotics at home.
Sounds all kinds of complicated…but if it makes me better, I’m willing to try.
Oh, and did I tell you I’m going to sue my first doctor?
My dad has not been heard from, and while on a normal day, that is no cause for alarm, it would be nice to hear from him. I can’t believe that after 21 years of being in this country and having no real interest in going back to Haiti, I now wish I had made that trip before this.
My absentee father means more to me than I have let myself believe. I love him and want him to be safe and well. My brain hasn’t quite processed the fact that he might not be ok. I have gone years without hearing from him. I don’t know…
I am racked with guilt for not doing more, not caring more, not being a more attentive daughter. What if I never get a chance to speak to him again? He loves me and to qoute my mom, “after his car, we were the most important things in his life.”
At the time, I thought that was the most absurd thing I’d ever heard, after his car? But I’ll take that as long as he’s alive.
I am confused. About a lot of things.
I know what I wish for myself, but I just can’t seem to allow the good things in.
I attract all this negative, and with Spring here, I don’t have the time or the energy for negative.
We shall see.
So, I’m getting caught up in this thing that’s going on with this guy. My cousin keeps saying to me, “Does he have a girlfriend?”
And I honestly don’t know. She’s right, I don’t know anything personal about him aside from the fact that he has kids. Yes KIDS with an S!
But I think he’s very nice. He’s funny, and although he doesn’t get my sense of humor yet, he responds positively to my idiocy. Which is more than I can ask for in a guy.
As you can see…I’m letting my heart get involved in this one…bad Titi, BAD! I know…but I want someone in my life to talk to and laugh with, and yes…be intimate with. It has been so long, and I feel that asking for someone who cares for me is not so much. I may not deserve it, but I feel like I’ve earned it damn it!
Long story, short…I like him. And if we are nothing but friends, he’s still someone I would like to get to know. All the guys at work are…I’ve missed hanging out with the male population, they keep me sane…no offense my loves, but you girls are CrAzY!
So my boss told me last week that I needed to act like everything was urgent. What she doesn’t know is that I used to have really bad panic attacks, if I act like everything is urgent, I won’t be able to function without breaking down into tears.
So today, she asks if I have sent out some invites to our Board members. I hadn’t because I needed to go to the post office to get them stamped, and there was just too much going on yesterday to find the time. But I should have told her. I know this, and it is my fault for not following up with her.
But today she tells me that the invites and envelopes should have been ready last week and it was my responsiblilty to make sure they went out two days ago. And I couldn’t argue with that because it is my responsibility…that’s my job.
I wanted to explain why they didn’t go out, but I couldn’t even remember when the invites came in, just like I didn’t remember to tell her about the postage issue. I wanted to; I told myself that I would; but by the time I walked back to my desk, I’d forgotten.
So I act too calm and I’m forgetful. These things are going to cost me my job. And I don’t know what to do. JoJo told me to walk around with a note pad, but how do I explain to my boss that I have to stay calm, or I’ll break down at work, probably right in front of her.
I just want to go into the restroom and cry right now.
Yeah, he completely stood me up…
Then sent me a text at 9:30 in the morning apologizing, saying, “I’m so sorry about last night…showered then fell asleep. Good morning, are you coming to work today?”
And I told myself, “that could be true…”
Then I was running around all day, so I texted late in the day and asked if he could talk…
He said he was driving and would call me in ten.
This was on Saturday around 6pm.
It is now Monday around 10am…no phone call. I wonder if I should be more upset than I actually am? I mean, I’m dissappointed of course…I was really looking forward to hanging out Friday…but I did get my drinks, I spent some time with the roomies, which is always fun.
So, yeah, I got stood up…C’est la vie!
So I might be going on a date. I think. Maybe…or it might just be me hanging out with a coworker…maybe a few drinks, some bar snacks, nothing crazy.
What do white people do as first dates? I know I’ve read that they go on dinners and the such…but I live in the city, and this isn’t really a date, I don’t think…I can’t even remember how this started…ohhhh
DANERYS!!!! SHE couldn’t get the basketball tickets and so I had to rearrange my plans with him (I asked him to go to the game with me because I had no one else…it was not planned so stop shaking your head Denysha!).
So he tells me yesterday that I didn’t call him…I ask him, “Was I supposed to call you?” He goes, yeah you said you would (And I didn’t…I’m sure of that)…so last night I text him, “Was I supposed to call you later?” He texts me back, “Nah its all good”…so this morning I come in and he says, “You didn’t text me back…”
You should have seen the look on my face…I say, “Was I supposed to text you back??”
So you see…I have no idea what’s going on! And I think I’m doing the right thing. And I did want to text him back, but what do you say to something like that?
“ok”??
That would have been a waste of a text message. No?
And then he goes, I was going to call you, but I didn’t know if you were busy or not…
Well if he’d called…he would have found out. So I said, “I’m always busy.” But then was like, “Not really, you should have called.”
Then I say, “I think we’re gonna need a rule book…cuz this is getting too complicated.”
And I still don’t know where we’re going or what we’re doing. But I am definitely down for a drink tonight!!
We used to have carpeting. Not any more!!
I’ll take a picture when its done.
sayTaïna 